Whether you’re a parent of adult children or you’re an adult with a parent, there is much to be gathered from Walking on Eggshells by Jane Isay. This book is page after page of “aha” moments written for new empty-nesters, parents watching their children raise children, and adult children who want to better understand what their moms and dads are going through in this stage of parenting.
To be honest, I thought I wouldn’t get much from this book. After all, I’m a long way from being an empty-nester. My son isn’t even in preschool yet. But what I found was a fascinating look into my parents’ heads. (Are you nervous yet, Mom and Dad?) My gosh, they still worry about me! They have to bite their tongues from offering my sister and me unsolicited advice and it drives them nuts. They’re overwhelmed with watching me be a mom now, and with seeing my sister and me all grown up and living our own lives. Who knew?
My favorite thing about Walking on Eggshells is its anecdotal approach. There is no in-your-face advice giving here. In fact, Isay takes her own advice to parents by presenting the facts and allowing the readers to come to their own conclusions. I’ve always wondered why more self-help books don’t just give examples from real life and leave it at that. You know the fun part of most self-help books; at the beginning of each chapter they tell you about Bob or Valerie and how they had such-and-such a problem and then they fixed it. That’s what this book is all the way through! True accounts that you relate to. No matter how your parent/adult child relationship is, you’ll find something that makes you feel Isay’s been reading your mail. Very entertaining and easy to read, a joy to learn from.
How to Enter: I’m not letting go of my copy, but you’re in luck because I have an extra right here. So leave a comment and tell me what surprises you most about being an adult child or a parent to adult children. It can be positive or negative, we won’t tell on you. I’ll choose the winner on Sunday, March 2, 2008 at 12noon. Oh, and if you post a link to this contest in your blog, let me know and I’ll give you an extra entry!
(Psst! You can skip the contest and buy Walking on Eggshells here. You’ll be supporting dkMommy Spot and your local bookseller.)
What suprises me most is now that I am older I understand my mom better and now that I am a mother myself I know went she went through and I respect my mom alot more.
It surprises me that so many young adults are so immature compared to when I was their age. I think this book would help me, because right now the kids are almost grown up, but I’m still at the stage where I can’t wait until they have their own places so I can leave all the lights on and the doors open. I don’t think I’ll do that, and frankly, they probably wouldn’t even care. I’d think this book would be very inciteful.
What surprises me most is how constrained I feel in talking with my adult children. I don’t want them to think I am criticizing in any way and I am never really at ease. Does the book address this?
Betty, yes, the book addresses this issue quite a bit. It seems to be a common problem because adult children are often more sensitive to criticism from their parents. It gives us flashbacks to childhood! But no fear, Isay lets you know how others have dealt with it successfully. Thanks for entering!
I am surprised that my oldest turned 18 and she is still more work than my younger ones!
I’ve found that I’m pleasantly surprised by how matter-of-fact I’m able to speak with my parents in the years since I moved out. A little distance puts us on a much more equal–and enjoyable–footing.
I could so use this book! Our oldest son is in his first year of college out of state! I have been a SAHM since he was born. I have a younger son which helps, but before I know it, he will have flown the coop, also. Please enter me in your drawing for this book. I appreciate it. Thank,Cindi
Since I became an adult I realize how difficult it can be to be a a parent.
I have so much to learn!!!
What is fascinating is watching my two step children now 15 and 17 being teenagers in exactly the same way I was a teenager. Than what makes it even funnier is my husband and I sitting around after they go to bed and telling stories about our high school years. It’s funny how some life patterns continue to repeat themselves.
This book sounds like a great read for me. I have one adult son and recently remarried and have four additional adult step children now. They all seem to have different expectations of me.
I now relate better to my mom since becoming and adult and having children of my own. We still differ in parenting styles, but I can see the logic in her ways.
I’m realizing how easy we had it as kids.
I am far away from the need for this book, but I’d like to read it before I need it so I will be ready when the time comes. It will be here before I know it.
I am realizing every day, how proud I am of my two sons, who are 18 & 24!
It becomes easier to relate to your parents
My father-in-law once told me that when I was 70 and my child was 50 I would still worry about them. At the time I thought it all went away when they turned 18. He was right. When we have a snowstorm, I still count my chickens to make sure they are all in their own homes and safe. Who knew?
My mother and really need to read this to hopefully give us the tools to work on our relationship. Please please help us do this
I could use this book.
What has surprised me the most so far…..letting my eldest move to a large city alone to go to school………I was devastated but proud that I loved her enough to let her go.
What is surprising me now is how my 16 yr old daughter has changed. She’s in an “I hate Mom” stage right now and it is so upsetting. I can’t wait for it to be over. The title of the book is perfect actually as my husband and I feel as if we have to walk on eggshells around her!
LOL What surprises me is that I’m slowly becoming my mother!
As the mother of adult daughters, what surprised me the most was that it happened so quickly! The song from Fiddler on the Roof, Sunrise, Sunset is right, it happens almost overnight. My own mom did such a good job of keeping her opinions to herself, following our “rules” etc that it has given me a good insight into how to let the girls live their lives. I want them to stay glad to see us when we come! Would love to read the book!
I realize when we are all together, I did pretty good raising them, they are all married, 30, 25, 18 years, and they still come to me with questions, we never back away from suggestions for maybe a problem entering their home, children, jobs, even trips, and they still listening to me and papa for ideas:
I really need this book!!
i’m an adult child that still feels like a kid around my parents
i;’d love to win this book
It’s surprising to me how hard it is to talk to my grown children. I never would have imagined it could be as difficult as it is.
Oh boy… this is a big issue that we are dealing with right now. My parents live near us and watch my two kids on a regular basis. We are a very close-knit loving family BUT… sometimes it is so hard- and it seems like we are “too close”! Quite often, it is difficult for them to step back and let my husband and I do the parenting. Too often, they offer their advice, wisdom, and suggestions regarding different things whether we want it or not… and I know it is only out of love and concern!! I can relate to your parents “having to bite their tongues” from offering unsolicited advice. We’re still working on this!
It’s tricky… but having said that, my parents are wonderful role models for my husband and myself (and our kids) and I wouldn’t trade them for the world! I know deep down that they only want the best for us and are trying to be helpful and supportive. This shows me that yes, parenting is a life-long journey and it definitely doesn’t end when kids “move out” of the house or have their own families. I would love to win this book and share it with my family since there is such a parallel. I am fascinated by human interactions and family relations… Thanks for introducing this book.
I’m surprised at how hard it is to let go….Let them go out and make their own way, mistakes and all. It’s so difficult to not give advise….unless they ask for it.
I am surprised at how infrequently I hear from my adult child after being so close before he left for college, how unneeded I seem to be now, how lonely… and, as others have said, how careful I am about not phoning, bothering, criticizing. There is definitely a transition. This book looks interesting.
It surprises me to learn more and more how patient my Parents really were with me, even though I didn’t always think they were. The older I get and the more I learn about being an adult, the more I realize how really annoying I must have been to put up with as I was growing up.
I’m constantly surprised by how much they still need me. For advice, favorsand sometimes just a sympathetic ear.
It surprises me how much my parents still think they should control my life. As an example, they want to dictate what neighborhood we will move to because it would be more convenient for them to visit 1 or 2 times per month…when we have to deal with the daily commute, parking, rent, etc.
What I cannot get over is that my mom still talks to me as if I were a child. She’ll give me leftovers (bc she lives alone and so do I but she still cooks for 4) and always feels the need to say “now you’ll need to add a little water to that before you heat it up” or “only reheat what you’re going to eat”. the minute she starts talking I say “i know” but she just can’t help herself.
Boy, as a parent of an adult child, I need this.
I was shocked the day my daughter-in-law blew her top at me for being too helpful during one of her family birthday parties. (Apparently I made the party hosts look bad or something), anyway, she reminded me that I was just a guest at the party. I don’t think I did anything wrong but regardless she had no right correcting me and yelling at me in front of other people. We didn’t talk for 3 months and missing my granddaughters became too painful for me so we agreed to disagree. Boy, do I need this book!!
What surprises me most is that I became my mother (well except for the immaculate house and having EVERYTHING done before I ever go to bed part
What surprises me, is the lack of a relationship that I have with my mother. I have not gotten along with my mom for a very long time, we have moments where we are talking to each other. But mostly we have silence. I remember my mom and her mom always getting along and going out for lunch regularly, I loved seeing my grandmother and she loved seeing us. My mom hardly sees any of her grandchildren. I do not understand her at all.
What surprises me is that I am so much like my mother! I always thought we were so different but we really are not.
nothing surprises me
This subject needs my study.
What surprises me, is how easy it is to fall into the ‘mom’ position, even though I am the grandmother. I constantly have to work on this. I want to ‘mother’ both my daughter and her daughter. My daughter is almost thirty. I never had this type of closeness with my mother, so I don’t exactly have a role model. I love this subject. My daughter has an expression that is very good at bringing me back to reality… it goes like this…. MYOB! (MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS)
What surprises me most is how much understanding I now have for the choices my mother has made while we were growing up. Choices I still do not completely agree with, but now that I have children, I can at least understand them
I am suprised that at 35 I can still fell jealous over my mom’s attention -like when she spends more time with one of my sisters and her kids, than with me and my kids.
Wow this is a book I would like to read!
I am surprised that I am so much like my mom, without even trying.
What I’m surprised about, is now I’m the mother, and my mother is the child!!
I found out that parents can have faults.
I’m surprised at how our relationship has evolved to more of a friendship (I’m the adult child) but also how my mom still worries so much about her kids. I’ve realized that as a parent you never stop wanting the best for your child, and as obvious as it sounds, it was a bit surprising to me.
It surprises me how much having my kids leave home for college is bothering me. I know it’s my goal to raise independent children that can go out in the world and be successful but it kills me to let them go. I feel like I don’t even know myself as anything other than a mother.