Book Giveaway - Walking on Eggshells
Whether you’re a parent of adult children or you’re an adult with a parent, there is much to be gathered from Walking on Eggshells by Jane Isay. This book is page after page of “aha” moments written for new empty-nesters, parents watching their children raise children, and adult children who want to better understand what their moms and dads are going through in this stage of parenting.
To be honest, I thought I wouldn’t get much from this book. After all, I’m a long way from being an empty-nester. My son isn’t even in preschool yet. But what I found was a fascinating look into my parents’ heads. (Are you nervous yet, Mom and Dad?) My gosh, they still worry about me! They have to bite their tongues from offering my sister and me unsolicited advice and it drives them nuts. They’re overwhelmed with watching me be a mom now, and with seeing my sister and me all grown up and living our own lives. Who knew?
My favorite thing about Walking on Eggshells is its anecdotal approach. There is no in-your-face advice giving here. In fact, Isay takes her own advice to parents by presenting the facts and allowing the readers to come to their own conclusions. I’ve always wondered why more self-help books don’t just give examples from real life and leave it at that. You know the fun part of most self-help books; at the beginning of each chapter they tell you about Bob or Valerie and how they had such-and-such a problem and then they fixed it. That’s what this book is all the way through! True accounts that you relate to. No matter how your parent/adult child relationship is, you’ll find something that makes you feel Isay’s been reading your mail. Very entertaining and easy to read, a joy to learn from.
How to Enter: I’m not letting go of my copy, but you’re in luck because I have an extra right here. So leave a comment and tell me what surprises you most about being an adult child or a parent to adult children. It can be positive or negative, we won’t tell on you. I’ll choose the winner on Sunday, March 2, 2008 at 12noon. Oh, and if you post a link to this contest in your blog, let me know and I’ll give you an extra entry!
(Psst! You can skip the contest and buy Walking on Eggshells here. You’ll be supporting dkMommy Spot and your local bookseller.)
February 29th, 2008 at 1:26 am
What suprises me most is now that I am older I understand my mom better and now that I am a mother myself I know went she went through and I respect my mom alot more.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:32 am
It surprises me that so many young adults are so immature compared to when I was their age. I think this book would help me, because right now the kids are almost grown up, but I’m still at the stage where I can’t wait until they have their own places so I can leave all the lights on and the doors open. I don’t think I’ll do that, and frankly, they probably wouldn’t even care. I’d think this book would be very inciteful.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:51 am
What surprises me most is how constrained I feel in talking with my adult children. I don’t want them to think I am criticizing in any way and I am never really at ease. Does the book address this?
February 29th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Betty, yes, the book addresses this issue quite a bit. It seems to be a common problem because adult children are often more sensitive to criticism from their parents. It gives us flashbacks to childhood! But no fear, Isay lets you know how others have dealt with it successfully. Thanks for entering!
February 29th, 2008 at 2:35 am
I am surprised that my oldest turned 18 and she is still more work than my younger ones!
February 29th, 2008 at 2:36 am
I’ve found that I’m pleasantly surprised by how matter-of-fact I’m able to speak with my parents in the years since I moved out. A little distance puts us on a much more equal–and enjoyable–footing.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:51 am
I could so use this book! Our oldest son is in his first year of college out of state! I have been a SAHM since he was born. I have a younger son which helps, but before I know it, he will have flown the coop, also. Please enter me in your drawing for this book. I appreciate it. Thank,Cindi
February 29th, 2008 at 2:55 am
Since I became an adult I realize how difficult it can be to be a a parent.
February 29th, 2008 at 2:56 am
I have so much to learn!!!
February 29th, 2008 at 3:00 am
What is fascinating is watching my two step children now 15 and 17 being teenagers in exactly the same way I was a teenager. Than what makes it even funnier is my husband and I sitting around after they go to bed and telling stories about our high school years. It’s funny how some life patterns continue to repeat themselves.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:15 am
This book sounds like a great read for me. I have one adult son and recently remarried and have four additional adult step children now. They all seem to have different expectations of me.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:46 am
I now relate better to my mom since becoming and adult and having children of my own. We still differ in parenting styles, but I can see the logic in her ways.
February 29th, 2008 at 3:47 am
I’m realizing how easy we had it as kids.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:17 am
I am far away from the need for this book, but I’d like to read it before I need it so I will be ready when the time comes. It will be here before I know it.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:51 am
I am realizing every day, how proud I am of my two sons, who are 18 & 24!
February 29th, 2008 at 4:56 am
It becomes easier to relate to your parents
February 29th, 2008 at 5:37 am
My father-in-law once told me that when I was 70 and my child was 50 I would still worry about them. At the time I thought it all went away when they turned 18. He was right. When we have a snowstorm, I still count my chickens to make sure they are all in their own homes and safe. Who knew?
February 29th, 2008 at 6:34 am
My mother and really need to read this to hopefully give us the tools to work on our relationship. Please please help us do this
February 29th, 2008 at 6:46 am
I could use this book.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:58 am
What has surprised me the most so far…..letting my eldest move to a large city alone to go to school………I was devastated but proud that I loved her enough to let her go.
What is surprising me now is how my 16 yr old daughter has changed. She’s in an “I hate Mom” stage right now and it is so upsetting. I can’t wait for it to be over. The title of the book is perfect actually as my husband and I feel as if we have to walk on eggshells around her!
February 29th, 2008 at 7:08 am
LOL What surprises me is that I’m slowly becoming my mother!
February 29th, 2008 at 7:23 am
As the mother of adult daughters, what surprised me the most was that it happened so quickly! The song from Fiddler on the Roof, Sunrise, Sunset is right, it happens almost overnight. My own mom did such a good job of keeping her opinions to herself, following our “rules” etc that it has given me a good insight into how to let the girls live their lives. I want them to stay glad to see us when we come! Would love to read the book!
February 29th, 2008 at 7:28 am
I realize when we are all together, I did pretty good raising them, they are all married, 30, 25, 18 years, and they still come to me with questions, we never back away from suggestions for maybe a problem entering their home, children, jobs, even trips, and they still listening to me and papa for ideas:
February 29th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I really need this book!!
February 29th, 2008 at 8:13 am
i’m an adult child that still feels like a kid around my parents
February 29th, 2008 at 8:24 am
i;’d love to win this book
February 29th, 2008 at 9:47 am
It’s surprising to me how hard it is to talk to my grown children. I never would have imagined it could be as difficult as it is.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Oh boy… this is a big issue that we are dealing with right now. My parents live near us and watch my two kids on a regular basis. We are a very close-knit loving family BUT… sometimes it is so hard- and it seems like we are “too close”! Quite often, it is difficult for them to step back and let my husband and I do the parenting. Too often, they offer their advice, wisdom, and suggestions regarding different things whether we want it or not… and I know it is only out of love and concern!! I can relate to your parents “having to bite their tongues” from offering unsolicited advice. We’re still working on this!
It’s tricky… but having said that, my parents are wonderful role models for my husband and myself (and our kids) and I wouldn’t trade them for the world! I know deep down that they only want the best for us and are trying to be helpful and supportive. This shows me that yes, parenting is a life-long journey and it definitely doesn’t end when kids “move out” of the house or have their own families. I would love to win this book and share it with my family since there is such a parallel. I am fascinated by human interactions and family relations… Thanks for introducing this book.
February 29th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I’m surprised at how hard it is to let go….Let them go out and make their own way, mistakes and all. It’s so difficult to not give advise….unless they ask for it.
February 29th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I am surprised at how infrequently I hear from my adult child after being so close before he left for college, how unneeded I seem to be now, how lonely… and, as others have said, how careful I am about not phoning, bothering, criticizing. There is definitely a transition. This book looks interesting.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
It surprises me to learn more and more how patient my Parents really were with me, even though I didn’t always think they were. The older I get and the more I learn about being an adult, the more I realize how really annoying I must have been to put up with as I was growing up.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
I’m constantly surprised by how much they still need me. For advice, favorsand sometimes just a sympathetic ear.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
It surprises me how much my parents still think they should control my life. As an example, they want to dictate what neighborhood we will move to because it would be more convenient for them to visit 1 or 2 times per month…when we have to deal with the daily commute, parking, rent, etc.
March 1st, 2008 at 1:38 am
What I cannot get over is that my mom still talks to me as if I were a child. She’ll give me leftovers (bc she lives alone and so do I but she still cooks for 4) and always feels the need to say “now you’ll need to add a little water to that before you heat it up” or “only reheat what you’re going to eat”. the minute she starts talking I say “i know” but she just can’t help herself.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:44 am
Boy, as a parent of an adult child, I need this.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:50 am
I was shocked the day my daughter-in-law blew her top at me for being too helpful during one of her family birthday parties. (Apparently I made the party hosts look bad or something), anyway, she reminded me that I was just a guest at the party. I don’t think I did anything wrong but regardless she had no right correcting me and yelling at me in front of other people. We didn’t talk for 3 months and missing my granddaughters became too painful for me so we agreed to disagree. Boy, do I need this book!!
March 1st, 2008 at 3:45 am
What surprises me most is that I became my mother (well except for the immaculate house and having EVERYTHING done before I ever go to bed part
March 1st, 2008 at 3:57 am
What surprises me, is the lack of a relationship that I have with my mother. I have not gotten along with my mom for a very long time, we have moments where we are talking to each other. But mostly we have silence. I remember my mom and her mom always getting along and going out for lunch regularly, I loved seeing my grandmother and she loved seeing us. My mom hardly sees any of her grandchildren. I do not understand her at all.
March 1st, 2008 at 4:38 am
What surprises me is that I am so much like my mother! I always thought we were so different but we really are not.
March 1st, 2008 at 5:02 am
nothing surprises me
March 1st, 2008 at 6:34 am
This subject needs my study.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:58 am
What surprises me, is how easy it is to fall into the ‘mom’ position, even though I am the grandmother. I constantly have to work on this. I want to ‘mother’ both my daughter and her daughter. My daughter is almost thirty. I never had this type of closeness with my mother, so I don’t exactly have a role model. I love this subject. My daughter has an expression that is very good at bringing me back to reality… it goes like this…. MYOB! (MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS)
March 1st, 2008 at 10:54 am
What surprises me most is how much understanding I now have for the choices my mother has made while we were growing up. Choices I still do not completely agree with, but now that I have children, I can at least understand them
March 1st, 2008 at 10:58 am
I am suprised that at 35 I can still fell jealous over my mom’s attention -like when she spends more time with one of my sisters and her kids, than with me and my kids.
March 1st, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Wow this is a book I would like to read!
March 1st, 2008 at 8:19 pm
I am surprised that I am so much like my mom, without even trying.
March 1st, 2008 at 8:55 pm
What I’m surprised about, is now I’m the mother, and my mother is the child!!
March 1st, 2008 at 9:57 pm
I found out that parents can have faults.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I’m surprised at how our relationship has evolved to more of a friendship (I’m the adult child) but also how my mom still worries so much about her kids. I’ve realized that as a parent you never stop wanting the best for your child, and as obvious as it sounds, it was a bit surprising to me.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:45 am
It surprises me how much having my kids leave home for college is bothering me. I know it’s my goal to raise independent children that can go out in the world and be successful but it kills me to let them go. I feel like I don’t even know myself as anything other than a mother.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:50 am
I love that I see my parents in a whole new light now that I have kids myself. I realized that my parents have a lot that they can still teach me.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:32 am
As an adult child, it still surprises me that I can tell my parents what to do and they do it!
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 am
The understanding that I will always be the adult and, in some regard, still the child to my parents is a challenge.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:09 am
MY WIFE REALLY WANTS THIS BOOK
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:39 am
I absolutely get my parents and their thought process now. As I find I am doing and saying the things my parents said to me to my adult child
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:03 am
I think the biggest realization for me as an adult child has to be that my mom was right when she said my kids would rebel one day, due to my own rebellion. My youngest is 4 years old, and even though I rebelled at a much older age with my mom, my mom got it (I hope she didn’t pray for it?: ( LOL). What goes around comes around. It’s a lesson to remember because I know it has happened to so many parents.
I’d love to read this book. If not here, I’ll have to look for it at the library!
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:36 am
Now that I am older, I can relate to my parents much easier. Please enter me in the drawing.
JayMSluyter@aol.com
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:58 am
What surprises me the most is that until we are adults and parents ourselves that it helps us to realize that our parent are individuals and people with needs, wants and goals. They have feelings just like their children do. Maturity helps us to realize this.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:53 am
As both my Mother and I age, it surprises me how often I ended up taking on the “parenting” role in our relationship.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:17 am
After being a single mom for my son since he was born, it is very hard to “let go” - I miss my best friend!
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:20 am
It suprises me when my adult children come back home to stay for a while. They all say that they are adults and need to be on their own but they keep coming back. I think I better make their bedrooms an office or something.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:54 am
Looks like a great read. Count me in!
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:10 pm
I’m an empty-nester parent watching my children raise children. I’m amazed with all the new techniques, especially baby signing. And, baby signing actually works!
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:29 pm
No matter what age - you still have a lot to learn
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I have not seen my daughter (28) or grandkids in almost 5 years but will get to fly home to see them in 11 days. What has surprised me the most, recently, is how excited my daughter is to see me again.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
As the old song says: “Be kind to your parents though they don’t deserve it! Remember that parenthood is a difficult phase of life! Someday you will wake up and find your a parent too!
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:55 pm
something that surprises me about be an adult child is that i even though i don’t have to i still do what my mom tells me to do, even if i know she’s not going to find out about it, it’s that set in fear of getting in trouble, haha! weird.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:12 pm
This book sounds like a good one to read.I remember when I said I will never act like my mother and now with my daughter I find myself acting just like her sometimes.She was overly protective and now I have become her.Strange thing!Please enter me to win this book
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:18 pm
What surprises me is how smart they really are and that although we thought that they were not listening to a word we said growing up…than indeed, they heard AND saw-everything..that teaching by example works
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
what surprises me about being a parent of an adult child is how much more things i have to teach my daughter now than i did when she was a kid.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:15 pm
even though i am in my thirties my mother is still treating me like i am 16. she does not like any choices i have made in my life. she does not understand why i chose to go back to school in my thirties. if she had her way i would still be living at home under her watchful eye.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Absolutely the re-bonding that occurs after the rebellious teenage years
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:43 pm
What surprises me is that, as an adult child, I thought the mom/daughter relationship would be easier by now, but instead it is so difficult. As a mom myself now, the love I have for my children makes it hard for me to understand some of the decisions my own mom has made over the years.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:56 pm
I am most surprised by how difficult it is to talk to adult children. Parents may fear if they say the wrong thing their children may think they are entering the stage of life where their mental abilities are declining. There is a real fear that prevents many families from having open lines of communication.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:24 pm
that has a adult child ,my mother still acts like I am a child
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:50 pm
PLEASE ENTER ME!
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Now that I am an mother, sounding like my mother suprises me a little! LOL
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:36 pm
when they hurt you hurt - whether they are 4 or 40!
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:57 pm
What surprises me to this day is how often my parents didn’t say anything to me, even when, looking back, they probably should have (but then again, who really takes the advice given by parents?). How hard it must have been for them to allow me to make my own hurtful mistakes? I dread those days for my own child.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:29 am
I am surprised by how I can have conversations with my parents about things that I never thought I would talk to my parents about.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:29 am
My son and his wife could really use a book like this with his mother-in-law. She seems to have major control issues that is really chipping away at whatever possible relationship they might be able to build. Perhaps if she heard it from another source it would drive home the truth that your children do grow up. They need to live their own lives and make their own decisions. I find that simply by making myself available if they have questions or just want to talk is much simpler than trying run their lives. Its a lesson we all have to learn sooner of later.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:39 am
i know there were many times when my parents thought they had to walk on egg shells around me especially in my teens; and i know they found it difficult to watch me make the same mistakes they did but they understood growth and i am forever greatful to them for never giving up on me; i know there is something in this book for my parents and myself and i would look forward to reading this
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:58 am
When you are an adult child…you then develop friendships with your parents.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:59 am
When my folks still lived in the house where I grew up, I always felt like “their child” when my husband and I visited. After they moved into a new house, I felt like I was treated more like an adult. After some consideration, I realized that it was because I was never a child in this new house!
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:55 am
sounds like a good read!
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:25 am
Very cool!
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:28 am
It was hard to get along with my parents as a child - but now I feel like I can
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:13 am
What surprises me most is what good friends my mom and I are now that all of the turmoil and angst of growing up is over with. I can relate to her as a person now, without every conversation fraught with unspoken power struggles. My mom is cool, which I never thought I would say.
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:59 am
What surprises me is: My Mom said my oldest daughter is EXACTLY Like I was…
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:40 am
What suprises me most is now that I am older I understand my mom better and now that I am a mother myself I know went she went through and I respect my mom alot more.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 am
As a parent, I have learned the most about my life from my two sons. They are 22 and 28. Through listening and talking to them we have a bond that cannot be broken. Our love and respect for each other is out of this world. I feel you can be friends with your kids, but you must be a parent first, and foremost.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:36 am
Anyone with children always know sthere is one you have to be so careful what you say.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 am
ty for the nice contest! the book looks good.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:02 am
grow up….
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
What surprises me as an adult child is that my parents still worry about me too.
March 9th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Oh…too perfect! I just had a glimpse of the next six months leading up to my parents’ 50th when we are going to Mexico as a big family. It is an event rife with gravitas and expectation. I’m so afraid we will disappoint them because…a) my daughter is a teen and prone to disappoint; b) my husband and I tend to be spontaneous or undependable…depending on how you look at it; c) I bristle when I’m expected to do something…I want options!
I’m off to link my site to your contests!
May 17th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100%, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong.
May 29th, 2008 at 8:45 am
I read similar article also named Book Giveaway - Walking on Eggshells, and it was completely different. Personally, I agree with you more, because this article makes a little bit more sense for me